The Columnist
by emerald1198
Summary: Each student has anonymously admitted their darkest secrets and regrets into a letter.  But one, mysterious advice columnist seems to have all the answers, and, as Degrassi begins to benefit, the only secret left becomes the identity behind the responses.
1. Katie Matlin

_**Hey, thank you to all who have taken the time to click on and hopefully read this!**_

_**Basically, each chapter will be a letter written from one of the characters on the show and a response from the "mysterious columnist."**_

_**Not only will you get a look into the pure minds and hearts of each character, but everyone will also get their guess at who they think might be the advice columnist.**_

_**Some letters will be dark and more serious while others will be awkward and insecure.**_

_**It's kind of a mystery, but it's also a fun story that allows each chapter to be unique. **_

_**I hope you guys like it!**_

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**Katie Matlin**

_Dear Columnist,_

_ When I was sixteen, I googled the question "At what age do you get your first kiss?" I was excited at first, because it seemed to be a popular question, one that many before me had already asked. It made me feel good to realize that others were concerned, that others felt embarrassed and unsure._

_ But then the results came up, documents from social websites like and Yahoo Answers. My heart dropped as I scrolled through the responses, countless "12" and "13"'s layered with few "14"'s and barely any "15"'s. Some people took the time to write about their first kiss, and I read about encounters at summer camps and under bleachers._

_ I've never had a boyfriend. There, I said it. I'm a leader in everything I do, looked up to by so many people, and yet, I can't even have a conversation with a boy I like without stuttering uncontrollably._

_ I tried to impress them, I really did. I wore make-up and frilly clothes, high heels that killed my feet . . . I even used tactics to keep myself skinny, unhealthy ones. It was wrong, I know, and I've stopped for now. But the urge to do it again is so strong. Every time I see a cute boy, my stomach tingles with the desire._

_ I still haven't been kissed, not even after everything I've sacrificed to make them like me. Not only that, but I feel horrible with myself for wanting to do such horrid things to my body. People look up to me, they respect me, and I'm nothing but a fake._

_ I'm lost, awkward, and maybe even . . . bulimic. And I'm terrified that they'll find out._

_-All for Them_

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Dear _All for Them_,

Being a teenage girl is hard, to say the very least. You remain happily oblivious for so long, still under the impression that boys have cooties. And then, one day, you suddenly realize that everyone one around you is dating, everyone is _kissing_. Am I right? Of course, I am. Because I _know. _You panic; you wonder where exactly things changed, and you wonder why you didn't change with them. Why was everyone else prepared for something you weren't?

But what you don't realize is that _everyone_ feels this way. Sure, there are a few girls who have rushed into things, in my personal opinion, a bit too quick, and slowly those girls set the example. When they start to do it, everyone feels they need to date, too. Some girls force themselves into awkward relationships they don't even want to be in while others simply lie about their love life.

And that's when the assumptions begin.

Everyone is dating. Everyone is kissing. Everyone is having sex. But it's not true. In fact, you'd be surprised how many people write in about similar situations, people that I'm sure would lie if you asked them to their face about it.

The bottom line: **you're not alone.**

It's okay to wait for the right boy. Maybe, you'll meet him here; maybe, you'll meet him in college, etc. But don't force yourself into something you're not even ready for, simply because you feel like you need to.

And don't worry about lack of experience. As corny as it sounds, when you do meet the right guy – and, by that, I mean someone you actually _want _to kiss – things will come naturally. No, rarely can someone tell whether or not the person they're kissing has done it before, and, even if he can, I'm sure he won't mind.

As for the bulimia, hopefully you don't feel the urge to do that anymore after grasping a better understanding of the situation. If a boy is kiss-worthy, then there is no way you should have to do that just to get his attention.

If there's a boy you like, try to become friends with him. You know, you don't immediately need to go to flirting mode. In fact, some of the best relationships start with friendships. Learn to be comfortable around the boy _before _taking things to the next level. That way, you can skip the awkward phase all together.

You're not lost. You're not awkward. And, soon, you won't be bulimic.

You're just a normal girl asking a normal question.

-Columnist

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Katie Matlin holds the small slip of newspaper she's cut out close to her chest, her smile unable to falter even as people give her odd looks in the hallways. Girls are wearing short skirts and tight shirts, but Katie doesn't feel threatened by them anymore.

She waves at Drew Torres with refreshing confidence, and he smiles, his eyes lighting up in surprise, but he waves back. She feels her heart flutter just a little, but there is no ache in her stomach, no urge to flee to the bathroom.

Everything about her feels better, stronger, and she finds herself seeing everyone around her in a whole new light. Girls are gossiping against their locker, texting on their phones. But that doesn't mean they're gossiping about boys. That doesn't mean they're texting about dates and kissing. Katie realizes this now.

She realizes that no one has ever actually asked her if she had a boyfriend, if she's kissed a guy. Because no one actually cared, not Marisol, not Drew, not anyone. It's all been in her head. From the very start, Katie Matlin has tried to impress people that weren't even judging her, and she can't help but giggle at herself now.

She sees a girl kneeling on the ground only feet away. She's wearing a tight skirt and revealing top along with many layers of intense make-up. Her books are scattered in front of her, papers sprawled over the floor, and she's trying frantically to gather them.

Katie bends down beside the girl, helping her to pick up some of the material out of her reach, and the girl's pink, glossy lips pull into a genuine smile, one that Katie wouldn't have imagined a girl dressed like this would be capable of.

Katie reaches for a slip of paper, and a small gasp escapes the girl. She snatches the paper away, but not before Katie notices the familiar words printed over it. A wide grin pulls at Katie's lips as she realizes this girl has cut out the same article, _her _article. The girl's cheeks brighten in multiple shades of red, but Katie shakes her head, shamelessly holding up her own copy. The girl's eyes widen a bit before softening into relief.

Katie stands up with the girl, and her eyes dart down to her high heels, leaving red blisters along their edges. "Those look like they hurt," she murmurs.

The girl nods, shrugging a bit. Katie knows what she means. _The boys are supposed to like them, though._

"You know, I have an extra pair of sneakers in my locker . . . you look like my size."


	2. Jake Martin

**Thanks so much for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites. I really didn't expect that many at all. You guys are awesome.**

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**Jake Martin**

_Dear Columnist,_

_ I'm not really the type of guy that writes letters, and, no, it's not that I prefer technology methods over this . . . It's just that I'm not all that great at communicating with people in general. That's kind of why I have the problem I do, even if I'd never admit it to her._

_ A few months ago, I met my first girlfriend. No, she wasn't my first date or my first kiss. In fact, I had been with a lot of girls prior to her. But she was the first one I really cared about._

_ When I was fourteen, my parents divorced, and shortly after, my mom was killed in a car accident. You don't have to say anything about that. You're sorry, I know. My dad dated, of course, but it was never serious. He'd date one girl for weeks, maybe months, and he'd move on before things got serious._

_ But then he met her mom. Yes, "her" was my girlfriend, and my father is about to marry her mother. It's complicated; believe me, I know. We're about to become siblings, brother and sister . . . and I still can't stop thinking about kissing her._

_ Our parents broke the news, we broke up, and both our hearts broke. But there isn't much else to be done. I've never had to deal with a hard break-up, simply because I've never been as close to someone as I was to her. And I'm wondering if it's supposed to hurt this much. _

_ I'm scared I won't find another girl like her. I'm scared that I won't be able to move on when I have to wake up in the same house as her every morning. But, most of all, I'm scared that she was the one for me, and that I've lost her now._

_-First Love_

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Dear _First Love, _

The first girl you truly fall for can include a magical and heart-wrenching relationship all at the same time. And letting her go can leave you desperate, confused, and, like you said, oh so very scared. I know a thing or two about heartbreak, and it's not an easy thing to overcome, that's for sure. Not to mention, you don't exactly have the most traditional break-up on your hands here, given the fact that she's about to become your step sister.

As much as you might question this, trust me when I say that you were right to break-up, at least for the time being. Rarely do people stay with their first love the rest of their life. The fact that you broke up doesn't mean you didn't love her or even that she wasn't right for you. It simply means that you're not sure. And that's okay.

As close as you two sounded, you could only get closer if you continued to date through your parents' marriage, and a break-up at that point would mean – as hard as it is to believe – an even stronger heartbreak that might not be able to heal, what with seeing her everyday of your life.

Right now, the best you can do is talk to her. Tell her that you still have feelings for her, or even show her this letter if you're having a tough time explaining it. Make sure she understands that she is your first love, and because of that, you can't really be sure that what you had is something that would last forever.

I'm not going to lie to you. You're in a situation where it's impossible to escape unscathed, but you're doing the right thing. I think it would be best for both you and this girl if you two started to see other people. It'll be hard, I'll admit, and there's a good chance, the next girl you meet won't be able to take this girl's place. Hell, you may have to meet a whole ton of girls before you find the right one.

And, let me warn you, it will be hard to see her with other guys as well, but you can't act on that jealousy.

You're going to be living with this girl, which means you'll probably get to know her even better than you did when you dated her. You might realize that she wasn't right for you . . . and you may realize that she was. But, at least, you'll figure that out without risking irreparable heartbreak.

If, after all this time, you realize that this girl really is who you want to be with for the rest of your life . . . then go for it. There's nothing illegal or unethical about a relationship between two people who love each other.

The future may be hard for you, but it might also be amazing. You've just got to put your heart out there and find out what it is you really want.

Love is confusing, mind baffling. But it has a way of becoming crystal clear in the end.

-Columnist

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Jake Martin takes a long, deep breath. Since the night of prom, he's finally able to really breathe. The withered piece of newspaper is clutched in his strong fingers. He doesn't hold onto a lot of things; he's not really a sentimental person, but he's never losing this paper.

Alli Bhandari smiles at him from her locker. It's a hesitant smile, a _friendly _smile. Alli asked him on a date last week, and he told her he couldn't, that Clare was still on his mind. It's still true, but Jake understands now that Clare will forever be there if he doesn't give Alli a chance.

Alli could be everything Jake has waited for, or she could be just another girl that belongs with someone else. But he'll never know unless he gives her a chance.

Clare will forever hold a place inside Jake's heart, and maybe someday, he'll realize that all of it belongs to her. But, no matter what, he's got a long road in front of him before he can figure that out. He makes up his mind to start it with Alli.

Jake Martin knows it will be hard, but he's willing to try if love is willing to give him a fighting chance. And so it has.


	3. Fiona Coyne

**Thank you all for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. You guys inspire me :)**

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**Fiona Coyne**

_Dear Columnist,_

_ Everyone has that one person, the best friend who they think of before anyone else and that person that does the same in return. Every girl has someone to call when things get hard, someone to talk to when they have to say something._

_ But I don't._

_ The only person I've ever known that I thought I might be able to trust is gone now, off to bigger and better things. I bet she doesn't even think of me anymore, despite how much I do her. Sometimes, I wonder if she actually remembers my name._

_ I have a few friends, sure, people that greet me when they see me in the hallways and have conversations with me from time to time. But I don't have that one person that everyone else seems to have._

_ And that's not even the worst of my problems. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and loneliness is the primary contributing factor to the relapses I've been having lately. Then again, maybe I should just stop trying to get better. After all, that's why everyone leaves me._

_ They had that picture of me in their minds, each and every one of them. All the people that left._

_ Because they didn't realize how screwed up I was, and I let them see me as someone I wasn't. But I guess you can't hide for too long, can you? They eventually found out, one by one, and now they're gone._

_ And you can't blame them. Hell, I wouldn't even be friends with me in all honesty. I'm just too screwed up. How can I ask anyone to try to handle that?_

_-Impersonator_

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Dear _Impersonator, _

We all have times when we believe that there's no one listening, no one there to catch us, and it seems that it's those times we fall the most. But you might be surprised whose arms could be open underneath you.

I, myself, have had these times, ones in which you feel like there's no one to care. You're surrounded by people who might greet you, smile at you, but they just don't seem to truly _care _about you. These are the times when you really need to open your eyes, taken notice of the people around you, watch for the signs of someone reaching out to you.

Alcohol is not the way to handle this, believe me. It may dull the pain for the moment, but it won't make it disappear. Only you can do that, and you can't do it with the alcohol intoxicating your mind. Until you make the decision, you'll forever be in an endless cycle.

You have the potential to _be_ the girl you thinkyou're _impersonating_. You're not perfect. Hell, no one is perfect. But you're not screwed up either. Believe me when I say there is worse.

You don't need to find someone who will shoulder all the weight of your past, though you will need to tell people about it if you wish to have a good friendship. Start to talk to people in the hallways, in your classes, and, most importantly, in clubs and activities you enjoy.

It seems that making friends isn't your problem, but _keeping _them. You're right about one thing. You will need to stop lying, stop taking people surprise, but do not stop trying to get better. Before you know it, alcoholism could just be a part of your past that you can _proudly _tell someone you've conquered.

As for a best friend, someone to really talk to about what you've been through, try looking for someone who _knows. _Someone who can empathize and won't judge you; you may find yourself considering people you never imagined you would ever even talk to. But that's how some of the best friendships start.

You may find people just like you.

You're not screwed up, and you don't have to pretend to find a great friend. The people who accept you at your worst may just turn out to be the people who help you to become your best.

-Columnist

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There's a piece of newspaper folded neatly between the black-polished finger nails of Fiona Coyne. She flips it over to read once more, and instead, her eye catches what is printed on the back.

_Love Roulette: A Huge Success_

_ What Comes Next for Degrassi Theatre? _

Fiona smiles; she had a good time on the set of that play, though she never thought she would. There's a shot underneath the caption of her and Eli Goldsworthy. He's smirking, and she's smiling. And there's something dead in both of their eyes that Fiona has never noticed before.

Fiona remembers what the headlines used to read: _Student in Car Accident Night of Spring Formal. _

She remembers thinking how _crazy _he must've been to do that, to risk his life to keep someone from leaving. But now she understands completely. She wonders if anyone else understands Eli, or do they still think he's out of his mind?

She sees him putting books into his locker a few feet away, and she scoffs when the word "destiny" pops into her mind. She's nervous when she approaches him, but she makes sure it doesn't show in her voice.

"Eli," she greets him, and she holds her breath, scared of the rejection she knows may come.

But the raven-haired boy just smiles at her, rather warmly to her surprise. "Fiona Coyne," he nods before closing the locker.

"Have you seen this?" She asks, holding up the newspaper to show Eli the headlines, and his eyes light up.

"Huge success," he muses, arching an eyebrow.

"We threw that together in one semester. Imagine what we could do if we spent the summer planning for the next one," she says, and, once again, she knows the sparkle in her eyes is hesitant, afraid that he will refuse the suggestion, scoffing at the thought of wasting his time with Fiona.

But his smile only strengthens. "I like the way you think, Coyne . . . Maybe, we could start tonight. Dot?"

And, for the first time, Fiona notices the same hesitation in Eli's voice, as if he, too, is scared _she_ will reject _him_. "Sure," she accepts, throwing him an encouraging smile as both their spirits lighten.

Fiona Coyne walks with Eli to his next class, and she can't but think how lucky it is that this article was printed on the back of her letter . . .

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**Wink, wink. **

**Love their friendship so, so much. For the interested, I've actually written two one-shots about their friendship (just friendship). **

**Anyway, next one will be Adam, but I'll get to most people. Any ideas about the columnist?**

**Tell me your thoughts, make a guess, or simply let me know you're reading in a REVIEW! **


	4. Adam Torres

**Hey, guys, sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I've been super busy with soccer and developed a pretty bad cold . . . and a cold during soccer season doesn't exactly put you in the state of mind to write ;)**

**But I don't think it bleeds into my writing, lol. So, here's Adam. **

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**Adam Torres**

_Dear Columnist,_

_ I know that the most important thing is what you see in yourself. Others will judge you and mock you and try to put you down, but none of that matters as long as you know who you are inside . . ._

_ That's what I keep trying to tell myself. But sometimes, I feel like the wise man who came up with that moral didn't understand what it's like to be someone like me. I'm an outcast, a loner; that's for sure. _

_ But I'm also somebody who a lot of people out there find . . . unethical, abnormal, and immoral. The list continues, too. I can't help who I am. I tried, believe me; I tried to be what everyone – even my own family – thought I should have been. I never wanted a life this hard. I don't think anyone whose different chose to be that way, welcomed their life to be a never-ending struggle._

_ I've been used, mistaken for someone I wasn't and asked to be someone I couldn't. Every day, I struggle to do the things that should be easy, and every day, I watch the people that mock me take those things for granted. And I wish they could understand what it would be like to lose those things. I wish they would understand what it would be like to be me._

_ I wish they would understand that I never chose this life, that I was dealt cards I couldn't pick. _

_ And I know that this is my life to live, my decisions to make. I know that feeling sorry won't change the situation, but there's times when I can't help but ask why I was the one to be given this life. I've never been the person to make a difference, to fight for the things I wanted. I'm not someone to take chances . . . so why was I the one given the opportunity?_

_-Not a Choice_

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Dear _Not a Choice, _

Sometimes, you feel like every moral ever made was invented by a hypocrite, someone who couldn't have possibly understood, someone who didn't consider you as an exception. I know what it's like to feel different, believe me. And you're right; we shouldn't have to fight just for acceptance in this world.

It's obvious you know who you are, and that's already a good start. So many times, people like you will start to question themselves after enough teasing and mocking. They'll start to let themselves be convinced that there may actually be something wrong about them. Please don't ever let that happen to you.

If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that you can't make _everyone _understand. When an artist creates a painting, not everyone will see what they had in mind. When an author writes a book, not everyone will be as excited as they are. When a designer make an outfit, not everyone will want to wear it.

And when an outcast makes a point, not everyone will understand. Not everyone will even listen.

I'm not saying you shouldn't stand up for yourself, but you don't have to be the next Martin Luther King either. There's no obligation to change the world or start a revolution. The next time someone judges you, try to make them understand. Talk to them, show them your side.

They may walk away with a better understanding . . . or it may fall on a deaf ear.

In life, everyone will come across people that don't understand them, people that simply don't agree or want to listen to what they have to say. But we also have a people who do understand, people who accept us and cherish our company, regardless of the things that make us different.

And those are the people that really matter.

Don't let the fact that you have more people who put you down overshadow the people who are your friends. People are going to judge you in life, but, as common as this sounds, your best bet really is to just ignore them. Focus on family and friends and form your life around people who _will _accept you.

I won't pretend that I know what it is that makes you different, because I don't. But I do know that there is going to be a million different opinions about it. You may have to hear them all, but you can choose which ones you believe.

-Columnist

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Adam Torres can't seem to wipe the grin off his face, even as some kids give him odd stares in the hallway. He can hear the words in his mind right now, the ones that sent sheer intimidation into his heart every time he heard them.

_Are you a girl?_

_ Why do you have to fight nature like that?_

_ You were born a girl. You should be a girl._

_ You're not fooling anyone._

But even as the words that are meant to be painful flash through his mind, Adam feels nothing. Because they're just _words. _They're English language strung together, letters in a certain order, and they mean absolutely nothing if he doesn't want them to.

He realizes now that those people are never going to understand, but it doesn't frustrate him like usual. As far as he can tell, that's their problem – not his. And there's going to be more like them; he knows this. But he doesn't mind.

Adam Torres doesn't keep track of those who don't understand anymore. They're a waste of his acknowledgment; their comments aren't even worth their own breath – they bounce right off of him, into thin air where they will be forgotten by him and everyone else within moments.

Instead, Adam focuses only on the people who do understand. Those are the comments that he will remember, the ones he's choosing to fill his heart with.

He can see Clare Edwards in the computer room. Her eyes are hard, her expression focused, and he decides not to interrupt her right now. But it makes him think of the first time he told someone his secret, the first time he chose to let people in.

It was her and Eli Goldsworthy sitting across from him, their eyes hesitant but in no way judgmental, and the words just flew from his lips with ease, so much smoother than the time he had explained it to his mother or even Drew.

Both seemed stunned, cautious, but they didn't turn him away. They didn't cringe like some people; they just sat there, wrapping their minds around it. And then Eli finally spoke.

_"Cool."_

Adam smirks at the memory, and, for the first time in his life, Adam realizes something he has been too distracted to ever think about before.

Yeah, it is cool.

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**I adore Adam so, so much, and I hope you guys liked this one. I'm not really sure who I'm going to write about next. Suggestions would be appreciated. And reviews, yeah, they're nice, too ;)**


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